From the Beginning

 From the beginning...

I've never been one to trust my gut instinct, well maybe I should correct myself and say I've never listened to my gut instinct, it probably explains why my relationships and life itself has always been turbulent and full of bad decisions but when I was pregnant with my youngest, there was a feeling I could not shake, I kept seeing hearses everywhere too (which I rarely see), it gave me the most haunting gut feeling. I told myself that I was being paranoid. Everyone around me told me it was in my head. Still to this day I wonder if my stress levels in pregnancy caused something. The level of guilt that causes me itself is off the charts.

5 weeks before my booked in c-section, my first week off work, watching a movie with my 5 & 6 year olds and being severely constipated with my pains getting worse, I decided to prove my sons dad wrong. It was not early labour and infact just poo. I was wrong, it was not a poo.

And so began the start of my journey. Whilst obviously there were no signs that my newborn was autistic, there were signs that things were different. His first 2 weeks of his life were spent tube fed with an inability to suck and on medication.

The next 12 months were full of sleepless nights (he only started sleeping through the night at 4 years old) and an extremely colicky baby covered in excema.